What Women Want

I want to send a special “Thank you” to the ladies of face book who sent suggestions, ideas, concerns and input to help me write this article. Keep it coming ladies! This article only scratches the surface of only a few concepts concerning what most women look for in their mates. It is only designed to encourage thought provocation and hope for successful living.

I remember overhearing (OK, I was eavesdropping) conversations between older women when I was a child. They talked about their husbands with admiration and contempt at the same time. It was hard for me to understand why they had bittersweet feelings about their mates. One woman bragged about how her husband was a wonderful provider, a great man in the community and a wonderful companion. But in the next breath she hissed about his infidelity and the times that he would sneak in late thinking that she was asleep and unaware. Another woman complained that her husband spent more time with the “bottle” than with her and that he was barely sober enough to eat dinner and say hello everyday. Still yet another woman had been married to a man for more than thirty years and she was still waiting on God to save him. However, in each case, these women were looking for the same things. They wanted their husbands to respect them, love them,  protect and provide for them

Men are a beautiful and unique breed indeed. God made men with natural authority and with potential to be great leaders and protectors.   What does a woman see when she looks at a man? What is she looking for? What are her expectations in her relationship with him? Now, I am quite sure if we are all honest, many of our ideas of what a husband/wife relationship should be are sometimes shaped by the media.  The movies and television that we have watched from childhood to adulthood can sometimes have an effect on our thought processes. In the movies women wake up in the morning looking fantastic complete with make-up already on. In real life that may not be the case. The woman’s hair may be in disarray and  both the husband and wife would probably have horrible bad breath or “morning breath.” Let us talk about the “Happily Ever After” concept. The media has saturated our minds with stories  like “Cinderella” and “Sleeping Beauty”. We expect to have a knight-in-shining-armor who comes to our rescue kind of experience at times. It is so easy to get caught up in love stories that appear in movies, television series and some soap operas. Take notice of  your thought processes when having expectations of what a husband should look like, smell like, walk like and talk like. Examine to see how many of the images in your mind resemble images in movies and media. We have to be careful of unrealistic expectations, while at the same time pursuing appropriate and real life expectations that exhibit respect and honor to the spouse.

If we walk by the word of God in our relationships, we should enjoy a more realistic view of what it should be like. Yes, most of us have read the scriptures that talk about husbands loving their wives like Christ love the church and loving their wives enough to give their lives for their wives. But what about all of the things and issues in between? What about the fact that each man has a different personality and may not view his wife or betrothed the same way the next man view his? As women, we can get caught up in those idiosyncrasies that can concern us at times.

First,  women are looking for and desiring to have respect. Respect means  to be regarded, esteemed, having worth or excellence, having a privileged position, being acknowledged,  and enjoying proper acceptance or courtesy. Some men like to express to their women that they(the women) are queens. A woman likes to feel like a queen. To be acknowledged, esteemed, regarded and having a privileged position are things that queens enjoy on a daily basis. What comes to mind is the part of the vows that says, “forsaking all others”. When a man acknowledges his queen, after God, she is first and foremost the top priority in his life. She comes before the requests and expectations of anyone else, including his mother and family and her family. Honor comes along with respect. When a man honors his lady he is acknowledging that she is distinguished. She is distinguished and held to the highest admiration from him.

Even before a love relationship is formed respect should always come into play. In the early stages of “becoming interested” or dating or courting or whatever term is used to describe this “getting to know you” stage, hopefully there was an extreme measure of respect from the woman to the man and from the man to the woman. However, when love occurs, it should flow into a smooth transition from respect to love. Women want to be loved unconditionally without comparisons to anyone else or any other situation. Each woman is different and wants to be appreciated for her uniqueness and the things that make her who she is. She wants to know that her gentleman loves her with no holds barred. While she is receiving all of the love from him, she wants to be able to trust her gentleman. Trust is the “icing on the cake” when a man loves his lady. If she knows that she can trust him with her heart, then love is blissful.

Some of the women tell me that part of the attraction of their mates is feeling that unspeakable feeling of protection and provision. When a man protects his lady and provides for her, the ambiance of “Kingship” screams in his existence. What is it about a man that takes leadership to another level when he guards her, shield her from harm, and make plans in providing for her needs and even some of her wants? Why do these things touch the soul of a woman so? There are ways to deeply touch a woman without physically touching her. Women are emotional beings and little things can make them happy as well as big things. But when a woman has security, provision, and protection her heart is affectionately turned toward her gentleman.

Relationships are too intense and complex for everything to be mentioned in one article. However, some of the women also expressed that romance was important. With everyday life being what it is and reality is ever present with jobs, bills, family, obligations and the like, romance takes the edge off of life’s daily challenges. Some women said that having their gentlemen listen to them was romantic. Communication is certainly a huge topic in the realm of relationships. It is vitally important and instrumental in smoothing out many challenges within a relationship. Let us not forget about the passion that is enjoyed between a man and a woman also. Some ladies are more interested in the “Flowers and Candy” concept. Others were excited about little things like bubble baths, massages, fine dining and the like. Each woman is different with her own specialized preferences and desires. Men are created unique and wonderful and have outstanding capabilities when they are utilized in the right directions.  However, I do believe that most men are more than capable of pleasing women in the areas love, respect, provision, protection and trust and that is exciting. It is workable. It is possible.

Once again, I say thanks to the Ladies of Face book and other sources who helped me to write this article.

My personal Take on this topic:  Personally, I think there is nothing more attractive and wonderful than a man who loves God and who has respect and honor for the reasons why God created a woman. God knew what he was doing when he created both men and women. As we walk and live in this world, it is important for both men and women to understand and know their roles and their privileges and positions in marriage. Lifestyle habits that include prayer, petition to God, wise counsel and living by the word of God makes it possible for relationships to work. As a woman,  I would know exactly what I was looking for in my gentleman. I respect a man that loves God, has great leadership skills, one who is firm in his beliefs, compassionate in nature, creative with his mind concerning what I like, has great fathering skills, is professional minded, is open to new ideas and possibilities, one who is deeply in love with me and who is loyal.

Thank you Dr. Gregory L. Fletcher for being the man and husband who has all of these qualities and more. You are wonderful and you are what I want.

Much Love,

Patrice Tankard-Fletcher

Scriptures on Marriage:

Genesis 2:18-25

Hebrews 13:4
1 Corinthians 7:36b, 28a

Matthew 19:3-6
Mark 10:8
Romans 7:2
1 Corinthians 7:10, 11, 39

1 Corinthians 7:39
2 Corinthians 6:14

Proverbs 18:22; 19:14; 31:10-12

Genesis 3:16
Esther 1:20
1 Corinthians 11:3, 8, 9
Ephesians 5:22-24, 33
Colossians 3:18
1 Timothy 2:11, 12
Titus 2:3-5
1 Peter 3:1, 2, 5, 6

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